Our brains tend to work in a funny way, where we our quick to notice and remember the negatives and forget or downplay the positives. If someone were to give us one hundred compliments and share one criticism, which one do you think we’d be more likely to remember? You’re right! For many of us it would be that one criticism.
It is helpful to identify areas where we want to keep growing and developing our skills, or learn from our mistakes (e.g., “Hmm, I really didn’t do as well on that math test as I had hoped, I should talk to my teacher and she if they can help me understand this more”). However, once our inner critic gets loud, it often is no longer helpful and usually makes us feel worse, instead of motivating us to keep trying and learning (e.g., “See, there you go, failing again, you’ll never learn this”).
The first step to turning down the volume on our inner critic is noticing when it’s talking! From there, we can start to practice challenging, or ‘bossing back’ this critical voice and replacing it with something kinder and more compassionate.
Try this..
Check out the following short video (5 mins. and 30 seconds).
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VP7R_WIm6-M
Discuss the following after viewing the video:
- How did you feel when the “shadow” was being critical?
- How did you feel when the “shadow” was being critical?
- How did you feel at the end when Alfred and his friend shone a light on it?
Can you practice “turning down the volume” on the following critical statements we might say to ourselves. Together as a class, group or family, review each of these statements and share ideas about how can we make them kinder and more compassionate. Hint: imagine you are talking to a close friend who is struggling with these thoughts.
“I’m terrible at this subject, so of course I failed the assignment”
“I always choke under pressure; I’m going to mess up at the game on Saturday for sure”
“I could tell everyone thought what I said was dumb”
Practice talking to yourself in the same way you would talk to a friend or loved one who is struggling with something. There’s a good chance it might be a whole lot kinder and “turn down the volume” on your inner critic.
Ask yourself, there is no wrong answer
Can you remember or imagine a time when you felt understood and accepted by someone when you were having difficulty or struggling? What did or what would they say to you? How did/would it feel?
Connecting to our faith:
“Compassion allows you to see reality; compassion is like the lens of the heart: it allows us to take in and understand the true dimensions. In the Gospels, Jesus is often moved by compassion. And compassion is also the language of God.” Pope Francis
Our faith reminds us to cultivate compassion for others and ourselves. God made us, knows us, and loves us. By embracing the love that God has for us, we are respecting our value as being created in the image of God. When we respond to ourselves with empathy in times of difficulty, we allow God’s love to flow through us and extend to others.
Let us pray: God of compassion, give me the grace to lift my eyes to your great love and kindness. May my heart be opened to receive Your love more fully. During times of self-doubt, help me to find comfort in your love and to be at peace in my relationship with myself.
Further Learning & Resources:
Bluth, K. (2017). The Self-Compassion Workbook for Teens: Mindfulness and Compassion Skills to Overcome Self-Criticism and Embrace Who You Are. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger
https://self-compassion.org/mindful-self-compassion-workbook/
Pollak, S. (2019). Self-Compassion for Parents: Nurture your child by caring for yourself. New York: Guildford Press.
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