The Power of Validation

We are great problem solvers. That’s kind of our thing! Not sure how to answer that math equation? Let’s find a YouTube video that explains it. Forgot your scarf at Grandma’s? We have a spare! In fact, our ability to solve problems and creatively meet our needs has helped us survive and evolve as a species.  

But what about problems that aren’t so easily solved, or perhaps that can’t be solved at all, at least in the moment? What do we do when the people in our life are sharing about things that we don’t have easy answer for, such as feeling worried about an upcoming assignment, or missing friends and family, or about a loved one’s illness?  

Usually our first instinct is to move into “fix-it” mode. We may offer advice, try to help someone “feel better”, or even downplay a problem because we don’t think it’s such a big deal. From experience though, most of us know that doing this doesn’t always go well. Listening, empathizing, and reflecting someone’s experience is much more impactful because what most people really want first is to feel heard and understood. This is where validation comes in! 

Validation is a powerful and effective communication tool. Particularly when we are going through a challenging time, validation can help us feel supported.  

In today’s Wellness Wednesday, we learn about the power of validation. 

Try this: 

As a class, group, or family:  

• Talk about validation. Validation is the process of identifying and acknowledging someone else’s emotional experience. When we validate someone, we offer support without judgement or analysis, without trying to fix or change a situation. Validating an emotion does not mean that we agree with the other person. Rather, we provide support by recognizing their feelings and thoughts are real and important to them, regardless of whether they make sense to us.  

• Review these steps to use to validate someone: 

• Identify. Start by identifying and acknowledging the emotion that the other person is having. Try saying: “I understand you are angry” or Wow I’d be sad too” or “That sounds frustrating”. Hint: if you’re not sure, you can take a guess. Try: “Sounds like you’re feeling overwhelmed” or “You seem angry”.  
• Prompt. Show that you care about what is being shared by prompting for more information or providing simple encouragement so that the person will feel comfortable to share more. Say: “And then what happened” or “Wow tell me more”.  
• Acknowledge. Whether you agree or not, it is important to acknowledge that it makes sense to you why they might be having these feelings.  Try: “I hear you” or “That sounds like a tough day” or “This is making you really upset”. If you know more details, include them in your response, such as “I’d also feel uncomfortable if everyone was staring at me” or “I can see why you feel angry if they took your sweatshirt without asking”.   
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• Next, read through the statements below. Try to identify the responses that validate someone’s feelings compared to the responses that try to problem solve or downplay the challenge. 
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